Loser (AU)

My name is Carmen de la Pica Morales. I was born in Los Angeles, CA in January 1980 and my father was a Mayan medicine man; he died before I was born, in a motorcycling accident. My mother re-married of course, and I have one full brother and 4 younger half-sisters, so you could say I come from a big family. I was raised a Catholic latina, I was always the apple of my mom's eye, and I've always been ... well, gay.

I went to Kennedy High School, where I was a cheerleader... and though nobody knew it, I'm proud to say that I was the only gay cheerleader on the squad at the time. What an accomplishment! Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Yes, I was popular, mean, selfish. But that was only in the eyes of the public.

You see, I fell in love once. Her name was Shane.



Shane was classed as one of the 'cool kids', the people who were popular but didn't fit in with the populars. You know what I mean. Basically, she was a dyke. Short hair, baggy clothes, converse, no make-up. But fuck me, she was HOT.

I met Shane at Richard Taylor Elementary, when we were 7. We became close really quickly I mean, you know how it is when you're that age. One day you're best friends with one person, and the next day someone else. But Shane & I weren't like that. We remained close through Elementary, Middle School and High School. She loved my family and they loved her, too. The weirdest thing is though, I'd only ever been to her house once, and I just couldn't remember why that was... until a few days ago.

I remember it so clearly now.
It was September 10th, 1987. Shane and I had only just become friends, and we went to her house to ask her mom if she could stay at mine over the weekend. Her mom said yes, but be quick and get your things, before HE comes home and realises you're not here!
It didn't make any sense to me, who was HE? I kept trying to ask Shane, being 7 years old and very curious, but she just yelled at me to shut up. She was panicking and I didn't even know why. Suddenly we heard a car that sounded pretty banged up pull into the driveway, and that's when I saw it. I saw it in her eyes - fear - like I'd never seen fear in Shane before, not even in the many years after that day. She said we had to escape out of the window, otherwise he'd see. But I still didn't understand, although I complied with this bizzarre request anyway, not wanting to upset Shane further.

I was sitting alone on a bench in the playground, eating my packed lunch quietly. I'd seen her before, she was in my class. She was really smart too, our teacher Miss French really liked Shane, because Shane liked to learn. I liked to learn too, I guess, but I just had a really short attention span. Not when it came to watching her, though. She sat right infront of me in class, so it was easy not to get caught.
'Hello', she said in that sweet voice of hers that became so different, yet so similar over the later years. 'Why are you all by yourself?' she asked me as she sat down beside me on the bench. She was wearing a white t-shirt with denim overalls, black and white All-Stars and her hair was short, black and slightly messy. I didn't realise it then, but at the age of 7, I, Carmen de la Pica Morales was DEFINITELY gay. Oh yes, I was...
'Because nobody likes me, I guess.' I replied bluntly and took a bite of peanut butter and jelly.
'Oh.', she said with a look on her face that told me she was in deep thought. 'Well, I like you.' she smiled. ' I'll be your friend!' She stood up and stuck her arm out, beckoning for me to hold her hand so she could take me somewhere. I reached out and placed my hand in hers, which she gripped tightly. But in the comfortable way. 'I'm Shane!'
'I like your name,' I told her 'it's pretty.'
'Most people think it's a boy's name... what's yours?'
I cleared my throat in preparation for the mouthfull. 'Carmencita de la Pica Morales.' and in response to the dumbstruck look on her face, I giggled 'but you can call me Carmen!'

"SHANE!!!!!!!!" I heard a man's voice shouting from downstairs. He sounded angry. And if I had known any better, I'd say he sounded pretty smacked up, too.
"Fuck!" I heard Shane mutter as she mounted herself onto the window sill and once more, beckoning for me to take her hand to join her in this outrageous plot to somehow escape the perils of using the door. I still didn't understand what was going on. I was surprised when I heard Shane swear - we were 7! I didn't even know what that word meant!

"SHANE, IF YOU'RE NOT FUCKING DOWN HERE IN TWO SECONDS I SWEAR I'M GONNA KICK THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF YOU, YOU LITTLE FUCKING SLUT!" The man's voice roared again, but this time he sounded closer. I didn't know who he was or what the hell he wanted, but I now understood why Shane was scared. I was pretty damn near to peeing in my pants! Of course, I didn't tell her this...

We climbed out of the window and down a pipe by the side of the house, landing in the front yard. Shane started running, so I followed her. Her bag was swinging about and I could tell that she'd probably packed all her clothes into it.

September 10th, 1987. Shane ran, and she never went back to that shit hole again.